In · a · house · without · a · back · door, · I · was · looking · for · a · fire · escape

Two weeks? Has it really been that long?

Dear Livejournal Friends.

I would like to say how much all of you have influenced my life. You guys live all over, have different families, orientations, habits, attitudes and lives. All of those things have affected me and my life in some way and I thank you for that. I know I am slowly moving away from livejournal at the moment but I'm sure I will be back again, back to a time when I have more of it and more patience, writing skills, thoughts and pictures. Thank you all for sharing your lives with me on this site: Specifically Kite, Art, Elijah, Raul, and Jessicka. Even though I haven't been commenting too much, I try my best to get on and continue to try to help with anything I can and enjoy the long rants of 'how-your-day-was' and of other various topics. Once again, thank you everyone, I'm very grateful for all of you guys giving me the time of day to add my journal back in the process at one point or another.

Dear Amber,

I know we have grown apart. The days when we would mess around on Gaia are long gone, I think. I've changed too much, and you have too. It is like I don't know who you really are anymore; I have tried to MSN you and there is nothing to talk about, on either end. It is sad, and at the same time I wish for it all to come back to us, but maybe it is good we are not as close as we were. You will always be my friend though and I'm happy you've stuck with me for this long.

Dear Kite and Art,

Both of you have opened my eyes. Both of you have made me see a lot of the beauty in the world through your writings, thoughtful reflections on damn near everything. Also how you two have opened up your lives to me in a sense has awakened me. Thank you. I hope to continue to see excellent ideas form from both of you, even if you're not speaking. Each of you are on different and exciting adventures and I wish you guys love and luck. You guys rock!

Dear Raul,

I don't know why we've drifted. All I know is that I want us to come back and talk like we once did. I have some music to share that may or may not be significant to you. Please AIM me sometime soon.

Where did everyone go?

Goblet of Fire, Order of the Phoenix, or Prisoner.

chewing

i'm curious, how religious are you all?

new AIM: notsunnypavement

everyone go add it

practice was crazy today. i have such a headache and the computer is making it worse.

i want pancakes.

Nothing completely crazy, except this one time I was traveling on the Greek Island of Santorini and from the port to the town you had to drive nearly straight up a cliff/mountain to get on the platform/mesa. Well the port was far below by the water, and so they had to jam-pack as many people on to each bus as they could to get us up the mountain, with all our luggage. It was the scariest bus ride of my life, because to go up, the bus had to make sharp hairpin turns at the end of each incline to go back and forth up the cliff. There were no railings at each turn, only a couple bushes, and at the bottom was a tiny amount of sand and then water. Every turn the people swayed to the other side of the bus so it wouldn't go over the edge. It was the freakiest bus moment of my life.

"28:06:42:12 ~ keep your chin up, kid ~ you're aw sent 12/25/2008 9:14 AM:
eeee <3 Thanks love for the wonderful presents~ The rabbit was adorable and oh my, webcam fun will be had ;] Thank you soooo much <3 ilu~! Merry Christmas~ "


When I signed on MSN, the above message greeted me. This made my day. You're welcome, you're welcome, you're welcome! <333 I haven't felt joy like this for a long time. This is the most happy I've we've been for a long time~

Why is the distorted laughter of children more menacing than a loud cry of pain when the doctors search for the injury?

I highly recommend the Religious Tolerance website in my links list. It can answer nearly any question or concern about any religion. Even if you're confident that you know everything about your religion or practice, think again. There is something for everyone.

I like feeling this way. Livejournal is a good thing. It reminds me that all of us are stuck in the same hole. That thought calms me more than any object or chemical could.

Where are you, 27?

Hours and hours, I sat here at the computer, typing away.

Taptaptapticktaptap

Every now and then I glanced up at the dark window in front of me.

I could see myself and the rest of the room in it, due to the illuminated yellow light of the chandelier above me.

I went back to work as I sipped my orange juice.

Taptaptaptaptickataptap

 I looked up one night and saw your face in the window; the taps of my keyboard were you knocking on the glass.

Oh, and happy birthday Haley x]

 the Hadron Super Collider: www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/09/08/lhc.collider/index.html

;-; I don't want to die yet. That is fucking scary. I don't give a shit about particle matter, I dont want to fucking die just like that wtf.

I want to cut my hair, a lot. I figured out this new way I like to keep it; somewhat pulled back by a headband, but leaving it out behind me. I wish my hair was a bit more poofier when I wanted it to be tho, like if i cut it short. When I say short, I mean to slightly longer than my chin. I've always liked my straight layered hair, but now I'm tired of it.

The best place for me to be right now is away from my friends. I want to be stuck somewhere [preferrable Canada for some reason] in a place where I dont know where I am, and surrounded by people I've met once, acquaintances and friends I don't see to much, or at all like my internet friends. Then I could feel like I could truely be myself. I want to get away from parts of the internet that bad memories are associated with, along with the girls and the boys. The best friends I'm around every single day, I want them to leave me be and try new things. It isn't anything personal against any one person, I just need a break. Already. I think everyone should do something that makes them uncomfortable, but will ultimately help them relax in the end. Leave your boundaries, people. Grow the fuck up. Do things for yourself that help you out, even if it puts you on the spot, costs you something or makes you really angry.

Basically, I want to be far away. I don't want to look at any of my school friends' faces, talk to them or goof around. I just want them all to go away.

I realized yesterday how important my club team is to me. They're my friends away from friends. Every single one of them is special to me, and I'd hate to lose any of them, even the guests from Matt's team. Yesterday, Michelle and I had a tiny flit. We were goofing around and doing this confusing drill that I secretly really really dislike, so I was being the smartass that I am and just being sarcastic. It was some running drill that if you lost the race, you had to do two squats. It went from funny to upsetting in less than five seconds, and it ended in both me and Michelle in tears, and she wouldn't accept my apology for being a smarty to her. Tomorrow morning, I might have to ride with her, her close friend Lexie, and my coach up to the game in north Pinellas county. I am going to bring my camera and take some pictures.

&nbsp;Big drama at soccer now :/ It is kinda complicated, I don't feel like explaining and it makes me tired to even try. I'll just say that Kevin, Danny, Scott and this new coach Kevin dragged in named Sean who is also a keeper coach all pretty much have a different aim for me. Kevin is being a bit selfcentered, Danny is letting his own opinion be formed by what Kevin is saying because Kevin is always anxious and excited about something that makes sense, Scott has no clue what is going on with these coaches, and I haven't even met Sean yet, but he is coming to Danny's practice tonight. Originally, because of my broken thumb, I was going to go to Scott's because I talked to him and he said he has some drills to do for me, but when my mom told Danny this, they had a bit of an argument about how both Danny and Kevin feel that I've "outgrown Scott because he hasn't even seen her play in the field, thus he doesn't know what is best for me." 

In with all that stupidness, my mom has to go to Back To School night tonight for information about this Quebec trip I want to go on with some friends, and the thing is at/around the same time as all these practices. Because of the dramas, some people can't/won't give me rides to the places I have to go. 

What I just typed above is very generally what is going on, I still haven't explained much. 

It's just soccer... Right? 
_____________________________________________________________________

In other news, my mother finally allowed me to get a laptop. It is for school, but I know I'll probly be able to use it for whatever, like photoshop, etc. I also have an external hard drive for me to save all my music, etc on to it because my current computer is very near death. We're going to pick all this up at Best Buy tonight when driving to/from practice.

Even though I sorta gave an idea of school a few posts back, here's a slightly more detailed explanation.

Period 1 - Chemistry
So far this class seems not too bad. I'm not too worried about it, plus I've got a few friends in here who can help if I need it. It doesn't seem to difficult for me; my only qualms about it are the fact that my teacher isn't supposed to be too good/is kinda monotone for first period. We'll see how it goes. 

Period 2 - Photo
Luckily, I've got Anna in this class =] So I have someone to complain and whine to about my history/english/spanish homework I didn't do for that day. Jaykay. Anyway, this class looks to be good so far. I don't know why, but it's sorta making me nervous. Nothing about taking pictures and learning how to develope them, it's just the teacher and the people in the class. The teacher herself is nice, and is new, so I hope my classmates have the grace to just grow up and learn what they have to learn. I'm not excited for a couple people to be in there. I guess this subject and me finally learning it is also making me anxious; I hope I don't get too competitive and become irritable because someone took a better picture than me >.> That is inevitable.

Period 3 - World History
My teacher for this class is supposed to be very good. She's already, after one day, said that she'll help me the best she can and letting me get away with not taking any notes until my thumb is healed. This elates and worries me. Elates because, well, I don't have to take notes. Worries me because I absolutely DO NOT want to fall behind and fail all my quizzes tests. I'm sick of history being a problem for me. Hopefully this year will be better because nearly none of my good friends are in it, and I sit up by the board next to only one person, as opposed to last year's backoftheclasswithgabeandsarahandherlaptop. 

Period 4 - Spanish II
Haha. Hahaha. This class, I have no fucking clue how it will go. Senor Wolcott has come back to teach us all this year. Last year, our teacher of the year who didn't teach us squat had to go out of town for the last two weeks before the final exam. So they brought in Senor Wolcott and he attempted to teach my whole stoner class Spanish 1 in two weeks. He nearly succeeded too. It is because of him I got a C on that exam to pass and move on to Spanish II. He's also a pretty cool guy, young, likes music, and is really cute. =] I also sit by the door in this class, and nearly none of my friends are in this, so I should just be able to focus on Spanish. 

Period 5 - Advanced Algebra II
This class I'm only slightly anxious about. I'm not freaked out or anything, I just know that algebra isn't my strongest subject; in 8th grade, I barely passed Algebra I with a C-. Granted, I didn't get much tutoring until the second semester and I didn't get organized until then either, so it is because of that that I was able to scrape a C- :/ The teacher though, is quite mellow. Probably the quietest one I have, which is slighlty unnerving for me. I hope our class can just shut the hell up. Some of the people in it worry me slightly, but I know I'm saved in a way because Lexy is in the same class, and sits next to me in the front row! I'm so happy about that; last year, I'd still go and ask her for help with math even though she wasn't in my class. When I found out she was going to be in my class, I nearly peed. 

Period 6 - Falcon Voices!
Not a problem. Been there, done that. My only concern is the amount of new people in the class. I mean, most of them can sing, but I guess I'm just not used to so many people sitting around the piano. This might be better though, I'm not sure. Marshie for short [my teacher] says hes going to incorporate more Music Theory into this class this year, so we'll learn more than just correct pitches! It seems a little empty without Sue though D:

Period 7 - English 10
Well, I've got Calooloo again. He seems to have improved over the summer; he doesnt seem scared anymore and he seems to be taking more of the upper hand. I guess you could say I'm lucky because my english class is much smaller compared to last year, and I don't have an ex boyfriend and a crush sitting on either side of me :P No, instead I've got Emma and Allison, lolz. It's like the other way around with history; last year, only 9 people were in my history class, now I've got around 16 or 17 in it, so my English class has slimmed down. Anyway, I'm not too worried about the workload here either, I just hope my English grade overall will improve.